by Peter Griffith
Dottie and Charles are cousins – and they hate each other.
When Charles comes to spend a day at Dottie's house, one disaster leads to another until everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong.
Is a happy ending possible?
Photos of 'My Cousin Charles'
Extract from the script 'My Cousin Charles'
|Dottie:||What do you want to play?|
|Charles:||I don’t know. What have you got?|
|Dottie:||Do you like playing football?|
|Charles:||Yes. I’m very good at football.|
|Dottie:||Well, we can play football.|
|Charles:||My parents bought me a football with David Beckham’s signature on it.|
|Dottie:||Oh. Well my football is just a cheap old football. But we can still play with it.|
|Charles:||You can go in goal. I’ll shoot.|
|Dottie:||All right. But we must keep away from this side here, because our neighbour isn’t very friendly.|
|Charles:||Are you ready?|
|Dottie:||Yes. (Charles takes the ball and performs a sequence of impressive manoeuvres) Are you going to shoot, then?|
|Charles:||When I’m ready.|
|Dottie:||Well come on, then.|
|Charles:||When I’m ready. (Charles kicks elegantly, and Dottie easily catches the ball)|
|Dottie:||Saved! Now it’s my turn to shoot.|
|Charles:||No. I’m the striker. I’m Wayne Rooney.|
|Charles:||I’m the striker - I score the goals. Give me the ball.|
|Dottie:||So I have to spend the whole time in goal?|
|Dottie:||Oh. Right. Here’s the ball then. (Charles once again goes into a sequence of balletic ball-technique exercises) Well aren’t you going to shoot?|
|Charles:||We can’t play here. The sun is in my eyes. We must put the goal over there.|
|Dottie:||We can’t put the goal there. That’s where Mr Swother lives.|
|Charles:||Who is Mr Swother?|
|Dottie:||Mr Swother is our neighbour. He doesn’t like children. And especially, he doesn’t like children who play football.|
|Charles:||When I kick a football, I know exactly where it goes. I won’t kick the ball over your neighbour’s fence.|
|Dottie:||Well, if the ball lands in his garden, you go and get it back - OK?|
|Charles:||It won’t land in his garden.|
|Dottie:||Well come on - shoot then.|
|Charles:||Don’t be impatient. You’re putting me off. (Charles kicks the ball through Mr Swother's window)|
|Dottie:||Oh no! Now look what you’ve done.|
|Charles:||It isn’t my fault. You didn’t save it. You didn’t catch the ball.|
|Dottie:||But it was nowhere near the goal.|